Why the experts say you need to know yourself to reinvent yourself.

Do you know yourself? I mean really know what you like to do and not just your fears and triggers? What’s something you like to to? Not something you say like because other people like it. What’s something you really want to do? What’s important to you? Got nothing?

You need to work on this. Why?

According to Joey Hulin, a meditation teacher and author of the book, “Your Spiritual Almanac: A Year of Living Mindfully, “Gaining a deeper understanding or ourselves helps us to be responsible – or respons-able, meaning we can respond to life rather than react.

Reacting is getting your pants in a wad because there are dirty dishes in the sink. Again. When you respond, you ask if someone can wash the dishes they used. While being snarky might make you feel better for a minute, it doesn’t improve anyone’s opinion of you. That could lead to people feeling like they have to walk on eggshells around you. Speaking as someone who was a frequent user of sarscasm. I stopped because it can be difficult to tell when someone is being sarcastic and a snarky comment could be what sends another who’s already having a bad day over the edge.

In her book Finding Your Own North Star. Claiming the Life You Were Meant To Life coach Martha Beck, Ph. D. talks about our social self. What we think we have to do for society to accept us. And our Essential Self, our internal guide to what makes us happy.

She talks about how what happens when we don’t listen to our Essential Self. We get anxious, tense, stressed, tired, etc by doing what we think we have to so society will accept us. Working jobs we don’t like, being around people we don’t like, does any of this sound familiar?

“This causes us to hold on to anger, grief, shame and other emotions, without realizing it.” According to Linn Martinsen, a psychotherapeutic counselor in London, United Kingdom. “These emotions come out in surprising and confusing ways.”

Martha Beck further discusses, “Narrative Therapy” To rewrite our life story we tell with ourselves as the hero instead of the victim. Don’t deny your misfortune. Yet if we’re going to tell our story, why not talk about it as, “I overcame…” You don’t want to constantly complain or hear someone else tell their sob story over and over again.

A possible solution, According to Linn Martinsen, Discovering and understanding buried emotions helps us get back into the driver’s seat and navigate our lives.

We don’t want to be forever looked at as the divorcee or cancer survivor. These ordeals were incredibly difficult, yet they are only one aspect of your life.

According to the article, “How to Know Yourself Better” by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, helps us create a more meaningful, satisfying life by understanding your true yearnings and core values. Also taking time to process your emotions, instead of ignoring them and keeping them bottled up, can help you build an authentic life.

How do you get to know yourself?

• Examine your reactions. Pay attention to your physical self and how it responds to the world around you. Our bodies hold insights without our minds knowing it.
• Keep a dream journal. (Even if they are weird.) Our minds may work through difficult situations and emotions reveal themselves in the safe confines of our sleep.
• Keep a regular journal as well. Use prompts:

“Right now I’m feeling…”

“I can’t stop thinking about…”

“I wish I didn’t have to…”

“I’m struggling with…”

“When I close my eyes, this immediately comes to mind…”

• Picture your perfect day. Think about something you want to happen.
• Detecte what energizes and drains you. Make a list of each. Wait a few days, bring the lists out again and talk with someone who knows you well enough to see if patterns emerge.
• Mediate. Sit with yourself. According to Hulin, meditation is about being with the truth or our experiences.
• Focus on your frustrations. When difficult feelings and emotions arise, ask yourself:

What is this moment here to teach me?

What old patterns might I be enacting?

Also when painful moments emerge, be gentle with yourself. Go for a walk, tell yourself: A self-compassion phrase. Self-Compassionate Phrases for Stressful Times (psychcentral.com)

Then end the journal entry with one thing you’re grateful for.

In Martha Beck’s book Finding Your North Star, she talks about how her numerous clients have transformed their lives from being absolutely miserable to becoming unrecognizably happier people by listening to their essential self. It works. You also have an internal guide. Listening to it does make you much happier. You can do it as well.

What part of this resonated wth you? Let me know in the comment section.