So you want to reinvent yourself? I’m not talking about uprooting your entire life and changing everything about you. No. If you want to change one thing about your life. It can be done.
Part 1: You must want it.
Part 2 You have to do the work. There are no “miracle quick fixes” no “short cuts.” You have been through some stuff. Some bad stuff. You made some uninformed decisions. You have. You’re human. Yet you are still here. And if you’re reading this it could be a sign it’s your time to improve something about yourself. Your career, your significant other. Maybe you want to be single for a while. Maybe for the first time. It can be done.
How, you ask?
First you must change your mindset. Especially on how you look at yourself. What you think of yourself. You have to start being kind to yourself. You could look in the mirror and think you’re a hot mess because you’re overworked, stressed and exhausted. (Been there. I’ve been constantly tired most of my life. In addition to working soul-sucking jobs because that’s what I thought I had to do in order to get by in the world.) Albert Einstein says, “The significant problems we face, we cannot solve at the same level of thinking we were at that created them.”
In his book,” The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Stephen R Covey says, “We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves effectively. We first had to change our perceptions.” Specifically, our brain. And we must be calm about it as well.
We have to be calm and kind to ourselves.
When we hear the words “change” or “improve ourselves” thoughts like, “We can’t change. It’s too difficult” “Why do I have to change?” Those thoughts come from our fears and anxiety. They keep us stuck because our fears and anxiety reside in our head and have can run consistently. If we let them. Let me repeat that. If we let them.
In his book, Covey talks about a Harvard professor shows two groups of people 2 different images of a woman. One of the groups saw a woman about the age of 20. The second group said the woman was in her 70’s. Both groups went back and forth arguing about the age of the woman and some features in the images. What some saw as her smile, others said was a necklace. Eventually, they begam to calmly discuss points of difference. Followed by people seeing the perspective of another group. And both images came into focus.
In the book On Emotional Intelligence by the Harvard Business Review, Daniel Goleman’s article What Makes A Leader? Goleman talks about leadership training programs being a waste of time and money because they focus on the wrong part of the brain.
Emotional intelligence is born in the neurotransmitters of the brain’s limbic system. Which governs feelings, impulses, and drives. Research indicates the limbic system learns best through motivation, extended practice and feedback. The neocortex grasps concepts and logic. It is the part of the brain that figures out how to use a computer or make a sales call by reading a book. Mistakenly the neocortex is targeted most by training programs aimed at enhancing emotional intelligence.
In terms of actual human beings, Goleman’s article talks about the emotional intelligence of company executives. When the theory of Emotional Intelligence was getting attention, frequently executives said, “That’s incredible.” Quickly followed by, “I’ve known that all along.”
The most surprising factor was the mood and attendant behavior of the leadership. A crank boss creates highly negative results. To be fair, executives are people too and they have bad days as well.
Yet CEO disease is when an executive thinks everyone sees him as upbeat and reliable. In reality his cheerfulness was strained and decisions were erratic. Leaders need to do more than put on a brave face. They need to realize their leadership drives the organization and adjust their behavior accordingly.
The same goes with us. We need to realize and acknowledge we’ve made bad decisions. We can’t change the past, yet we can adjust how we handle our thoughts.
Now let’s talk about another step. Starting small. Life coach Martha Beck says, “Paying attention to your body, when you are calm, you’ll feel physically pulled towards what’s right for you. Following small pleasures is the only way to find your grand purpose. Taking tiny, incremental turtle steps.” You can dream big. Let’s face it. No one strides for mediocre. And we all want and look for the big sign in the sky. Elizabeth Gilbert says the universe whispers to you to look a fraction of an ich to the side.
Martha Beck also says that people would rather commit to 12 large goals and never follow through. (Go big of go home, right? Again dream to the sky. Start small.)
In his article, Change your thoughts and you change your world, Norman Vincent Peale, suggests If you want to change your life try new things, like:
Going to a new restaurant.
Learning a musical instrument,
Sleeping on a different side of your bed,
Taking a different route on your way to work. (if you take a wrong turn, I promise you won’t end up on the moon.)
Shake up your work out routine. Talk a different route on a walk.
For the bolder people:
Visit a new city. Or country if you are really wanting to shake things up. (Again visit. I’m not talking about uprooting your entire life and moving to somewhere new.)
Elizabeth Gilbert followed her curiosity and not her passion to write her best-selling book, Eat, Pray, Love. Gilbert said that we live in a passion fetishized society. At least we do here in the United States. Yet a lot of people, me included, doesn’t know what their passion is. (Or how to define passion.) is that little voice you hear within yourself your passion? Maybe. How about we take that word off the table and go as Gilbert did and follow your curiosity. She had all that that society tells us women we should want. A successful career, a husband, home in New York City and a house in the suburbs. Yet Gilbert was terribly unhappy and depressed. The thought of having children terrified.
She gave it all up. She quit her writing job, got divorced (dealt with negative thought goblins that accompanied the divorce throughout the trip) to travel to Italy, India then Indonesia. To help her recover from her divorce she followed her desire to learn Italian, which lead to her wanting to visit Italy. She started following a friend’s guru, which made her want to go to the guru’s ashram in India. And finally return to Indonesia because a ninth-generation medicine man told her she would. When you are desperately unhappy you would also beg the universe for help and listen to just about anyone.
Tiffany Aliche, AKA the Budgetnista was a preschool teacher when the housing crisis of 2008 happened. She lost her home to foreclosure, lost some money to a scammer in addition to losing her teaching job and the money she had in the bank.
She had to move back in with her parents. Fortunately her Dad was a financial guy and taught Tiffany about how to handle money. Which she turned into a successful career of teaching people about budgeting and how to handle their finances. She begins by saying, “Give yourself some grace when thinking about and acknowledging your financial mistakes.” (All other mistakes as well. Again breathe and go cry if you need to. Release your shame regarding your past bad choices.)
Did either of these women wake up one day and realized this was the key to their success and renewal? Maybe not. What their goals or intentions were I’m not sure. Were they trying to reinvent themselves? Maybe they were just trying to move on from their misinformed choices of their past.
In conclusion, change takes time and effort. It might not take as long as you think. And it could turn out better than you think.
What part of this resonated with you? This there anything you are wondering about changing your life? Tell me know in the comment section.
Reinventing yourself 
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