Merriam-Webster dictionary defines an introvert as, “a person whose personality is characterized by introversion. A typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys time alone.”
A case study called, Introversion and Social Engagement: Scale Validation, Their Interaction and Positive Association With Self-Esteem, says, “Learning is a social process in which children gain knowledge through social interaction and exchanging ideas with their classmates. Through social interaction, students learn from others, create a positive working environment, provide multiple perspectives, enhance critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Student who received support from their classmates are more active at school.
The study goes on to say, little is known about whether these social learning activities may benefit extroverts and put introverts at a significant disadvantage. As an introvert, I agree with the last part. Maybe growing up in a house with some stuff going on is part of why I am an introvert and was hesitant to ask questions. I also cherish my quiet time. I’m also willing to bet my classmates thought I was a bit of an oddball.
It also says introverts can have good social skills, yet still withdraw from activities due to their low social willingness. I also agree. There is so much in the world that I could not care less about. Which celebrity couple is the “Power Couple.” What athlete or sports team is the best. The bar/club scene never appealed to me, mostly because I don’t consume alcohol. Nor do I want to go see any random band or comedian. No big-name band, movie, or TV series sounds interesting either. Something really has to speak to me for me to give it my precious time and energy. Maybe that’s why I did so poorly in school.
If you want to engage with an introvert here is one thing you can to do:
Avoid small talk. It sucks. Personally hate it. We can talk when given a decent topic. If “What you think of this weather?” is the best you can come up with, please dig a little deeper than that. Odds are you have something interesting to say.
If you talking away and they are only saying things like, “Yeah, Sure. Ok, Uh huh…” Move along. They could be too polite to say, “Please go away.”
While the study says no one is a complete introvert or extrovert, introverts do need social relationships. (It would be nice to have a few more friends.) It takes introverts more time alone to balance out their energy after social situations. Especially when the introvert doesn’t want to go to the event and have to deal with people who don’t get the introvert isn’t interested in them.
Sometimes I have ventured out because I actually wanted to be somewhere beside my apartment. There have been a couple times where the situations like the following have occurred: I was out. Started chatting with another person. For some reason we exchanged numbers. He called a called two or three times. Most times voicemail picked up. By the third call he said, “If you don’t want to talk just say so.” His request was absolutely reasonable. I asked him to stop calling and he did.
I exchanged phone numbers with another guy. Who after about five minutes of texting, told me, “I miss seeing you.” (Seriously creepy!) When we talked on the phone, he’d be chatting away, while I said, “Yeah,” “Really?” “You don’t say” and he didn’t notice. I haven’t given my phone number to a guy who wasn’t a co-worker or neighbor since. Both of them could have been the nicest guys in the world. (That’s how I prefer to think of them. Instead of thinking they had darker intentions.) And I gave them my number to show I’m not completely anti-social. After dealing with them as well as some closer friends and relatives, I still feel a tightening in my stomach when I see familiar numbers appear on my phone’s caller ID.
Any trouble was avoided with these situations rather easily. Thank goodness. Lately I’ve been thinking about what my life would be like if I were more social (or I drank anything stronger than coffee) and to be honest that scares me to a degree. Because I’ve read a few stories of guys who attempted, some succeeded in kidnapping and/or killing their girlfriend because she wanted to leave him. Yes there are stories of women who have taken bold measures to keep their man. But I’m not going down that dark what could’ve happened path. (This is why I don’t watch true crime shows or crime dramas.)
In Susan Cain’s TED talk, “The Power of Introverts” Cain, an acclaimed writer and lecturer, identifies as an introvert herself. She also talks about how extroverts are generally viewed as more favorably as students and employees. Introverts are often dismissed in these roles because of their reserved nature. Cain says introverts are just as efficient if given an appropriate environment. (Give me a quiet space and I can get work done better.)
(Told ya I can talk. Other introverts can as well, but I’ll only speak for myself.)
What does sound appealing to this introvert? Looking out a window to watch the rain or snowfall is more appealing than bar/club hopping or staring at a screen when bored. I’ve had plenty of screen time for work and to keep my head from exploding. So is getting caught up on sleep and sleeping even if you can’t think of anything else need or want to do.
BTW, In an earlier post, I said you don’t have to change every aspect of your life. Reminding you of that because these are aspects of my life that are not going to change.
Anything you want to know about introverts, ask in the comment section below.
Reinventing yourself 
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